Telling the kids

Some of you have been asking about the kids and how they are taking the news since we recently told them about Sarah.  I wanted to let everyone know how the conversation went.

Sarah and I looked at the internet for some tips on how to tell a child that you are diagnosed with cancer just to help us prepare for this difficult conversation.  Everything told us to be honest about what Sarah is dealing with, tell him what type of cancer Sarah has, do not get to detailed, give general information about the treatment and reassure him about the prognosis.  To be honest I wasn’t sure how he would react and what he would be thinking……it’s hard to remember being 9 let alone having to be told your parent has cancer.

It was difficult to even get the first sentence out without cry……so much for not crying until the end of conversation, we both failed at that!  Sarah simply told Michael that she has breast cancer and that is why she has had to see the doctor so much lately.  We could see fear and concern on Michael’s face immediately.  It didn’t take long before he was crying and didn’t know what to say.  It was the hardest thing to see and watch our little boy try to register and understand what his mommy is going through.  We asked him what he was thinking to help console him, he said “I don’t want you to die mom”.  I guess at that age you relate cancer to death, totally understandable….Sarah and I were quick to reassure him that mommy is going to be okay and that the doctors have told her that this is 100% treatable and that mommy is not going to die from cancer!  By far one of the most difficult conversations we have ever had with our son Michael.  You just want to protect your children from feeling pain or distress…..he’s just a kid he shouldn’t have to worry about these things!  It took some time to get him to him to understand what the process is going to be and how this is going to affect Sarah. 

We were able to get a small laugh and chuckle out of him when we told him that he gets to cut mom’s hair if and when the time comes during her chemo treatments.  He felt that Mohawk would be appropriate before all her hair falls out.  We did tell him that it will all grow back some day.  We told him that Sarah is going to have surgery and that she will have to take medicine for the next 5-10 years to make sure that the cancer does not come back.  We also touched on how she will be sick sometimes and not feel well but that will only be temporary. 

We told him it’s ok to cry when he is sad and that we are here for him no matter what and that he can come talk to us about his feelings anytime!  We emphasized the importance of supporting mom over these next 6 months and helping out in the little ways but to remember to still be kid and not worry so much about mom’s cancer.  At the end of the conversation he was still worried and concerned about Sarah, I hope that he doesn’t worry too much about his amazing mom!  I know that things will be hard for Michael as we move through this process and as he begins to see the physical effects of this battle but we know that we have a great support group that will help all of get through this…..we reminded him that we will just take one day at a time “ODAAT”, not to worry about tomorrow and to just love mom as much as possible.

Now I didn’t forget Isabelle…our beautiful Belle!  She being only 6 really didn’t understand much at all of what was going on other than serious concern over mommy losing her hair, let me tell you she was VERY concerned over mommy’s hair!  Bless her sweet little heart….we told her that she will have a wig and that the hair will come back! 

Overall I think the kids are in a good place and understand what Sarah is going through.  We check on Michael often and just ask how he is doing.  He did the sweetest thing yesterday and wouldn’t allow Sarah to carry his and Isabelle’s backpacks to the car, he said “no mom, let help you and I will carry these for you”.  He’s a great kid….

I did want to send a special ‘thank you’ to some of Michael’s teaching staff at Wildcat Mountain Elementary and how wonderful they have been.  Sarah has notified his principal Mrs. Milley, his aftercare program director Mrs. Lori Hickerson and his teacher Mrs. Sheehy.  Everyone has been absolutely amazing and supportive.  His teacher Mrs. Sheehy was so compassionate and caring….she assured Sarah that Michael will be well supported at school and they will take great care of him.  It’s nice to know that he is in great hands and being supported at school during this tough time.

We will keep you all posted after the appointment on Monday with the plastic surgeons. Till then……We’re staying strong and Sarah is looking forward to just getting start so she can begin the healing process….every day that passes is one day closer to being cancer free!

-Mac-